Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

So I am sitting here at work just going through my morning routine, which  naturally includes going to the New York Times website because I pride myself on knowing what is generally going on in the world. Also, it makes me feel better for actually caring what gas station Britney Spears traipsed through barefoot that week.

But I digress. So anyway I am on the NYT website and as you may or may not know, the big news here in NYC is that the Pope is deigning us with a visit, because he's still convinced he's relevant. So clearly, he must come to NYC because well, we just don't have enough traffic, so a Papal visit to the UN is the perfect way to create a logistical nightmare on the east side. Thanks.

But I digress again. I see this headline in reference to this visit:

Pope Says Church Will Not Allow Pedophile Priests

See, now I am just entirely unsure how to react to something like this. I will admit that my first reaction was WHAT A FREAKING GOOD IDEA THERE EINSTEIN!!!!! CAPTAIN OBVIOUS CALLED, HE WANTS HIS JOB BACK.

My next reaction was "does this mean that the church DID allow pedophile priests? Then my mind scans over the past few years of church history and comes up with the "hahaha oh wait it did allow pedophile priests for years and years" conclusion.

So I say to myself "Katie, just read the rest of the article, give the guy a chance."

The following is a quote from the Pope:

“It is a great suffering for the church in the United States and for the church in general and for me personally that this could happen,” he said. “As I read the histories of those victims it is difficult for me to understand how it was possible that priests betrayed in this way. Their mission was to give healing, to give the love of God to these children. We are deeply ashamed and we will do what is possible that this cannot happen in the future.”

Just in case anyone needs a translation, by "great suffering for the church in general and for me personally" he means "dammit, these molestation lawsuits have cost us so much money that I can't buy 50 more funny looking gold embroidered hats this year and my 8 pairs of Gucci loafers". By this point I am pretty confident that Captain Obvious has indeed been fired and his replacement goes by the name Benedict XVI. (On a side note, seeing as hes the SIXTEENTH pope named Benedict, I think it's safe to say that originality and independent thought isn't his strong point).

Those must be some mighty comforting words to all the victims of pedophilia who are currently on five different anti psychotic medications and 4 different anti depressants all because the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church are a bunch of idiots who think the reputation of the church is more important than children's' lives. (clearly the haven't realized that the Crusades and all those witch-hunts actually have been documented in history and that their reputation hasn't exactly been virginal for quite some time now).

The article goes on to say this:

"The Pope said church officials were going through the seminaries that train would-be priests to make sure that those candidates have no such tendencies. 'We’ll do all that is possible to have a strong discernment, because it is more important to have good priests than to have many priests' ".

How, exactly, are they going to do this discerning is my next question? Take all those reclusive, weird, socially inept seminarians (because lets be honest, those are the only types of people that want to spend the rest of their lives NOT getting laid) and put little joey altar boy in front of them and ask "does little joey make you feel antsy in your pantsy?", "what would you rather do with this boy, explain the word of god to him, or take him into the confessional for some alone time?". I am actually quite interested in the methodology of this discerning process but something tells me Pope Benny McObvious won't be elaborating.

So, basically, the moral of this story is kids, the Catholic Church is still seriously messed up.

However, something tells me I am not the only person to have the "WTF planet am I on that not allowing pedophile priests should be an epiphany in 2008? " to that headline, because as of right now its

Pope Expresses Deep Shame Over Priests’ Sexual Abuse