Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

So I am sitting here at work just going through my morning routine, which  naturally includes going to the New York Times website because I pride myself on knowing what is generally going on in the world. Also, it makes me feel better for actually caring what gas station Britney Spears traipsed through barefoot that week.

But I digress. So anyway I am on the NYT website and as you may or may not know, the big news here in NYC is that the Pope is deigning us with a visit, because he's still convinced he's relevant. So clearly, he must come to NYC because well, we just don't have enough traffic, so a Papal visit to the UN is the perfect way to create a logistical nightmare on the east side. Thanks.

But I digress again. I see this headline in reference to this visit:

Pope Says Church Will Not Allow Pedophile Priests

See, now I am just entirely unsure how to react to something like this. I will admit that my first reaction was WHAT A FREAKING GOOD IDEA THERE EINSTEIN!!!!! CAPTAIN OBVIOUS CALLED, HE WANTS HIS JOB BACK.

My next reaction was "does this mean that the church DID allow pedophile priests? Then my mind scans over the past few years of church history and comes up with the "hahaha oh wait it did allow pedophile priests for years and years" conclusion.

So I say to myself "Katie, just read the rest of the article, give the guy a chance."

The following is a quote from the Pope:

“It is a great suffering for the church in the United States and for the church in general and for me personally that this could happen,” he said. “As I read the histories of those victims it is difficult for me to understand how it was possible that priests betrayed in this way. Their mission was to give healing, to give the love of God to these children. We are deeply ashamed and we will do what is possible that this cannot happen in the future.”

Just in case anyone needs a translation, by "great suffering for the church in general and for me personally" he means "dammit, these molestation lawsuits have cost us so much money that I can't buy 50 more funny looking gold embroidered hats this year and my 8 pairs of Gucci loafers". By this point I am pretty confident that Captain Obvious has indeed been fired and his replacement goes by the name Benedict XVI. (On a side note, seeing as hes the SIXTEENTH pope named Benedict, I think it's safe to say that originality and independent thought isn't his strong point).

Those must be some mighty comforting words to all the victims of pedophilia who are currently on five different anti psychotic medications and 4 different anti depressants all because the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church are a bunch of idiots who think the reputation of the church is more important than children's' lives. (clearly the haven't realized that the Crusades and all those witch-hunts actually have been documented in history and that their reputation hasn't exactly been virginal for quite some time now).

The article goes on to say this:

"The Pope said church officials were going through the seminaries that train would-be priests to make sure that those candidates have no such tendencies. 'We’ll do all that is possible to have a strong discernment, because it is more important to have good priests than to have many priests' ".

How, exactly, are they going to do this discerning is my next question? Take all those reclusive, weird, socially inept seminarians (because lets be honest, those are the only types of people that want to spend the rest of their lives NOT getting laid) and put little joey altar boy in front of them and ask "does little joey make you feel antsy in your pantsy?", "what would you rather do with this boy, explain the word of god to him, or take him into the confessional for some alone time?". I am actually quite interested in the methodology of this discerning process but something tells me Pope Benny McObvious won't be elaborating.

So, basically, the moral of this story is kids, the Catholic Church is still seriously messed up.

However, something tells me I am not the only person to have the "WTF planet am I on that not allowing pedophile priests should be an epiphany in 2008? " to that headline, because as of right now its

Pope Expresses Deep Shame Over Priests’ Sexual Abuse

Why I Love New York

So I haven't update this in awhile because well, I got lazy. I am sure those of you that know me find that very shocking. But today, due to a combination of boredom and me avoiding real work because I am hungover as shit, I feel like updating it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/21/nyregion/21schools.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

This is a perfect example of why I adore my home state of NY. We join a list of ten other states (most in the northeast obviously) that have decided to turn down money from the government that was to be used on abstinence only education. Why you ask would we do that? Because, as anyone with even half a brain may have guessed, ABSTINENCE ONLY EDUCATION DOESN'T WORK. But of course, the biblethumpers think it does, and since they are the people running the loony bin known as the United States Government, we actually waste money on telling hormone infused teens not to have sex until they are married. It's quite realistic I know. It's right up there with purity balls and creationism in that "what crazy thing will those god-humpers think of next?" sort of way.

I know I rank on the South alot because well, it's easy and what I say is true but I feel sometimes I am a little unfair. But I would like to take this time to mention that when I talk about "New York", really I am talking about Westchester and below. Because let me tell you, I have spent a large amount of time upstate, and not only is it a cultural wasteland much like the South, but also the majority of people who live there are as backwards as those crazy cousin lovers in Alabama. The only real difference is, upstate NY is just more polluted thanks to companies like American Locomotive and GE (ahhh Schenectady). Oh, and they don't have those assinine accents that no matter how smart you are, make you sound like an inbred idiot.

Ok thats my penance for making fun of the South so much, I admitted there are alot of people up here JUST LIKE YOU.

Has Sanity Returned?

Ok so I am almost a month late in writing about this, but apparently America is on it's way to getting it's brain back. Those funny looking, toothless people down south took a break from doin' their cousins long enough to realize this country is headed to hell in a handbasket. Thankfully, their way of dealing with this sad fact was to actually take a good look at the facts and overwhelmingly vote democratic. Ok I may be exaggerating a tad much, however, we took both the HOUSE and the SENATE in what could only be described as a miracle. You know that when people from Missouri vote for a democratic Senator that indeed there is a god and he is saving the rest of the country from his crazy-ass followers.

My particularly favorite part was everyones favorite religious wackadoo Santorum getting SPANKED by Casey. His concession speech was fantastic. Mostly because I am relatively evil and enjoyed seeing him and his entire ainfully ugly family up on the podium cry their eyes out because he can't abuse the state of Pennsylvania's women for 6 more years with his misogynist views. Seriously, did anyone see the way his children were dressed? Why don't you just put a giant sign on their heads that say "I am a homeschooled socially inept bible-thumping loser". I am pretty sure that would be more subtle then the clothes they were wearing.

No really, the war ended a long time ago....

Ok so recently ABC broke a story about how military recruiters lied to potential recruits in order to convince them to sign up. They sent a bunch of in with hidden cameras to see if illegal recruiting tactics were still being used. Turns out, they were. Whooooaaaaaaaaa shocking!!!!! Some of the lies were along the lines of:

"No we are bringing people back"

"The War ended a long time ago"

"No it doesnt matter you are a drug addicted high school drop-out, here let me help you cheat on your applications".

Well, this would be funny if it wasn't for the fact that most of America is so dismally informed about politics and anything that goes on outside of this country that I can easily say this tactic has resulted in thousands of stupid middle- American kids going to war. I mean hell, if it works in the tri state area I can't imagine the success rate in places like Oklahoma and other intelligence-challenged states .

I don't know, I would like to think the fact that the military is blatantly lying to get people to go die in Iraq would be a big deal, but as usual, no one seems to care.

Someone remind me why we didn't let the South secede?

This is an actual postcard the good people (and by good I mean unfortunate) of Tennessee received in their mail. Tennesee is currently the site of one of the most important Senate races this election Corker vs Ford.

Surely I can't be the only one who finds it hysterical that they have used Anthony Michael Hall to somehow convey the idea that liberals are trying violate Gods natural order and screw up humanity by creating abortion pills or using stem cell reserch to help people with diseases like Parkinson's. Someone should enlighten them to the fact that having your mother be your sister and your wife at the same time while your favorite cow is your mistress also tends to violate this "natural order" they are so concerned about.

Also, with Democrats like Ford (who are for the war and against gays and pro-choice ideology) running for office in Tennessee, who needs Republicans?

Things Katie Loves

Dogs
Sushi
Kittens
The ocean
Fire Island
Drinking
When holier-then-thou homophobic fundamentalist whackjobs who advise Bush get exposed as meth snorting fudgepackers.

Now, at heart I truly am kind of a nerd. This is why the news of Ted Haggard being outed by a gay PROSTITUTE as someone who regularly pays for sex and buys crystal meth made my entire month. Not to mention this is SEVEN days before, arguably, one of the most important midterm elections in 100 years.

Ted Haggard is (ahem-WAS) the head of of everyones favorite insanity brigade-the National Association of Evangelicals. Basically a 30 million member conglomerate of god-fearing homo-hating creationism-loving wackadoos. He also was the lead pastor at the 14,000 member New Life Church in Colorado Springs (the city which currently serves as the Headquarters of Derangement. It has more evangelical churches and groups then any other city in the nation). Pastor Ted is also against gay marriage and supports a ban on it. Ahhh Schadenfreude much?

You can see one of the worlds pre-eminient evolutionary biologists-Richard Dawkins- question Father Ted here.

Now, two things are immediately clear upon watching this clip. This first is that there are WAY too many people who have nothing better to do with their lives then go to giant Churches and pray brainlessly at the feet of some megalomaniac who spreads hate and irrational thought. The second is that Pastor Ted is gayer than Ricky Martin in pearls and a fur coat. How NOBODY saw this coming who knew this guy is beyond me. How his wife Gayle managed to delude herself for 27 years and have 5 children with the man is perhaps a testament to how blindly these people do whatever they are told.

There is a third thing that is immediately clear as well, and that would be that unless you want to be subjected to such ridiulcousness on a regular basis and/or have your children taught creationism in school well, don't move to Colorado Springs.

Ok there is a fourth thing to be learned and that is: Those who hate and despise homosexuality the most usually are closeted ones themselves. It's sad, and part of me feels horrible for Ted, who is clearly gay (he just admitted it) but has so many issues with it because of the way both religion and society treat gays that he had to do a 180 and condemn them.

Of course, don't expect those bible thumping yahoos to see the irony-they will just end up hating gays even more.

I Woke Up in 1953.......

Nine Reasons to Steer Clear of Career Women: Slideshow

1. You are less likely to get married to her.

So say Lee A. Lillard and Linda J. Waite of the University of Michigan's Michigan Retirement Research Center. In a paper, "Marriage, Divorce and the Work and Earnings Careers of Spouses", published in April, 2000, they found that for white women, higher earnings, more hours of employment and higher wages while single all reduce the chances of marriage. "This suggests that (1) success in the labormarket makes it harder for women to make a marital match, (2) women with relatively high wages and earnings search less intensively for a match, or (3) successful women have higher standards for an acceptable match than women who work less and earn less." Some research suggests the opposite is true for black women.

She is more likely to cheat on you.

According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, highly educated people are more likely to have had extra-marital sex (those with graduate degrees are 1.75 more likely to have cheated than those with high school diplomas.) One April, 2005 study, by Adrian J. Blow for the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy summed it up: "If a woman has more education than her partner, she is more likely to have a sexual relationship outside of her primary relationship; if her husband has more education, she is less likely to engage in infidelity." Additionally individuals who earn more than $30,000 a year are more likely to cheat. "In a more general sense, it appears that employment has significantly influenced infidelity over the years," Blow said. "The work environment provides a host of potential partners, and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals."



4. You are much less likely to have kids.

According to the National Marriage Project, the incidence of childlessness is growing across the socioeconomic scale. In 2004, 20% of women over 40 remained childless. Thirty years ago that figure was 10%. But the problem--and it is a problem because the vast majority of women desire children--is much more extreme for career women. According to Sylvia Ann Hewlett, an economist and the author of Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children, only 51% of ultra-achieving women (those earning more than $100,000 a year) have had children by age 40. Among comparable men, the figure was 81%. A third of less successful working women (earning either $55,000 or$65,000) were also childless at age 40.


5. If you do have kids, your wife is more likely to be unhappy.

A 2003 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family concluded that wealthier couples with children suffer a drop in marital satisfaction three times as great as their less affluent peers. One of the study's co-authors publicly speculated that the reason is that wealthier women are used to "a professional life, a fun, active,entertaining life."


6. Your house will be dirtier.

In 2005, two University of Michigan scientists concluded that if your wife has a job earning more than $15 an hour (roughly $30,000 a year), she will do 1.9 hours less housework a week. Of course, this can be
solved if the husband picks up a broom.


7. You'll be unhappy if she makes more than you.

You aren't going to like it if she makes more than you do: "Married men's well-being is significantly lower when married women's proportional contributions to the total family income are increased."


8. She will be unhappy if she makes more than you.

According to the authors of a controversial 2006 study: "American wives, even wives who hold more feminist views about working women and the division of household tasks, are typically happier when their
husband earns 68% or more of the household income." Reason? "Husbands who are more successful breadwinners probably give their wives the opportunity to make more choices about work and family--e.g., working part-time, staying home, or pursuing a meaningful but not particularly remunerative job."


9. You are more likely to fall ill.

A 2001 study found that having a wife who works less than 40 hours a week has no impact on your health, but having a wife who works more than 40 hours a week has "substantial, statistically significant,
negative effects on changes in her husband's health over that time span." The author of another study summarizes that "wives working longer hours not do not have adequate time to monitor their husband's
health and healthy behavior, to manage their husband's emotional well-being or buffer his workplace stress."


ok, so this guy, Michael Noer, works in the editorial sector of Forbes magazine. He wrote the above article which outlined why exactly, you should never marry a career "girl". Needless to say, I wasnt the only person who was so shocked by the article that they thought the staff of the Onion hacked into Forbes website and put up this article. That is wishful thinking. No, this guy (and by guy I mean spineless, pencil dicked douchebag) is DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS when he wrote this. What this article should be titled is " How to Spot an Insecure Pencil Dicked Douchbag Who Can't Handle a Real Woman".

Now, I was furious when I first read the article. It is possibly one of the most misogynistic, vile pieces of "journalism" (word used EXTREMELY loosely). Fortunately, I wasn't the only woman he completely pissed off, and really, he sparked an intense debate on Forbes's comments section. Upon reading these comments, it became clear that many, many men still felt this way about career women, and that most women felt almost violated by such a blatant example of condescending hatred.

Really, I think this article speaks for itself, however, I can't help but feel a foreboding sense of dread when it comes to women who want to make something of themselves in this world outside of cooking dinner for a man with such a depleted sense of self esteem that he rather hide his wife in the house then let her contribute to the household/world in a real way that will actually leave her fulfilled at the end of her life.

I was heartened to see the absolute disgust that women showed towards this article (both housewives and career women), because I am so used to women actively participating in the patriarchy that it almost came as a shock to see them stand up for themselves.

I do have to thank Michael Noer for conveniently providing a litmus test for any prospective boyfriend I may encounter. I think I'll put this article in my purse.

I would like to, however, provide my own version of this lisst.

1)You are less likely to get married to her because " she has higher standards of an acceptable match".

All this really means is that a woman who pays her own way and isnt obsessed with getting married and having babies REFUSES TO SETTLE. Generally, this would and should be considered a good thing, however if you are a raging douchebag named Michael Noer ( and any other male who would find it offensive that a woman didn't deign to marry his lazy, overrated ass) clearly has self esteem issues, this idea is quite frightening

2) you are more likely to get a divorce if you marry

"A few other studies, which have focused on employment (as opposed to working hours) have concluded that working outside the home actually increases marital stability, at least when the marriage is a happy one. But even in these studies, wives' employment does correlate positively to divorce rates, when the marriage is of "low marital quality.""

Basically, if she realizes after that fact that you are a lame catch, shes going to divorce you because, well, she doesnt need to stay with you for the money. That essentially means that when she catches you boinking the secretary, she won't hesistate to throw you out because shes afraid of how she will afford that country club. Or even just food to make dinner for her sorry ass.

3) she is more likely to cheat on you.

The more education you have the more likely you are to cheat. Which is fine if you are a dude, but we can't have our wives running around sleeping with people even though we are. that just messes up the balance of power. Men have been cheating on their wives for centuries because working DOES increase the odds that you will find someone else you are attracted to. So women are going to do the same thing because, what it comes down to is, MONOGAMY IS NOT NATURAL.

4) you are less likely to have kids

Yeah, because, career women don't base their entire life's worth on having a crotchturd, or 4. They have other things they want to do besides procreate. And they are perfectly happy doing so. Hopefully, regardless of this, the desire to have children is something you have talked about BEFORE you got married.

5) if you do have kids, you're wife is more likely to be unhappy.

why Noer asks? because "wealthier women are used to "a professional life, a fun, active,entertaining life." Right. So what you are saying is, if she's not a career woman, she won't notice that being a homemaker is boring and sucks the life out of you, both intellectually and physically, and the fact that she has become a vapid diaper changer who can't stop talking about what kind of pureed carrots she feeds her 4 kids won't bother her. This is bad why?

6) you're house will be dirtier.

Um, right. Because part of having a penis means you are genetically incapable of picking up after yourself and breaking out some sort of cleaning fluid once in awhile. Sorry boys, but none of you have a penis so big that it can be considered a handicap when it comes to housework. Also, you're brains aren't too big either, trust me.

7) you'll be unhappy if she makes more then you

Grow some balls you twit and be happy that you have more money in general because you wife is smart and prefers making money over watching soap opera's.

8) she will be unhappy if she makes more money then you.

Well, this is to the women. If you're view of what makes you a "woman" is so antiquated that you believe your husband is somehow less of a man because you make more money then change your point of view. Unless he's lazy and that's why he makes less money, then divorce his ass.

9) you will be more likely to fall ill.

Why? Because "wives working longer hours not do not have adequate time to monitor their husband's
health and healthy behavior, to manage their husband's emotional well-being or buffer his workplace stress."
The fact that he added this really just makes men look like incompentant fools that need to be babied their entire lives. So, if Michael Noer wanted to reaffirm most women's beliefs that men in general are vaguely moronic all of the time well, then you have accomplished something Mr. Noer. A word to the wise ladies, if the guy you plan on marrying needs you so he goes to the doctor and doesn't eat fried foods all the time, pull a number one on this list and be less likely to get married, because when you marry a man like that, you aren't having a wedding and gaining a husband, you are going through labor and acquiring a child.

Fundamentalist Christians Have Serious Daddy Issues

So not too long ago I posted something about Purity Balls which are celebrations where daughters pledge their virginity to their creepy fathers until they find a husband and "give" it to them. While it was more than just mildly disturbing, I still held out a minute amount of hope that perhaps this creepiness when it came to daughters wasn't widespread in the wackadoo christian community.

That hope is now gone

To sum things up, this is an article that encourages "Daddies" to take their daughters out for "date nights" to get a jump start on the whole dating scene she one day will inevitably enter. I have absolutely NO problem with daughters spending time with their fathers, in fact, I think I benefited greatly from an attentive father who would take me to tons of places. However, the language here, among other things, is what is disturbing.

First of all, never, under any circumstance, should you turn something as special as father-daughter bonding into a pseudo-sexual thing that somehow gets these "daughters" ready for the dating world they will one day enter. At least that should not be a father's motivation to hanging out with his young daughter.

Secondly, in no way should you be taking your daughter out to "reaffirm her femininity". Excuse me, I was unware it was my fathers job (or anyone elses for that matter) to remind me how I should be acting as a woman. Of course, you don't see these wingnuts advocating taking you daughter out to play baseball, or to a museum, or anything else mildly stimulating for both the mind and body. Nope. That would not give the impression that any fundie father would want. That would not show the daughter that she should be totally and completely focused on her father...that is of course until her next "owner" comes along-which would be her husband.

In any case, this is just yet another example of how unhinged these people are, and it's something I simply don't understand.